How to use the Blackmetle (Black Metal + Google) search engine:
Send a letter to Blackmetle, Tiny coffin-like box 666, NO-2001 Lilleström, Norway, containing the search phrase and an international reply coupon. You will receive the top 5 search results, printed on dead Norwegian trees, with a free authentic handwritten Norwegian curse, within 2-4 weeks. If you are lucky.
This is how the world's least user friendly search engine works: We receive your search request, curse it, and tell it to a very old man. By the next full moon, or a night he feels like it, he walks to a lake in Nordmarka (north of Oslo). He rows to the center of the lake, where there is a small island. Here he goes to sleep on the shore, after getting ceremoniously drunk, repeating the search phrase over and over again in his head while staring at the sky. The following morning he performs a ritual sex act with his deformed left hand, while visualizing the wood spirits. Then something magical happens (we can't give any details). And he goes to a nearby village, discussing the search results with an old woman for a quality check. After a few days he returns with the final search results, which we perhaps send back to you.
(The previous version of the Blackmetle search engine was removed due to complaints that it was too user-friendly.)
|
|
|